Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
