I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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