at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
