In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
