just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm always down for nudity.
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