I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
