The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
