I got chris browned last night
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
