Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
