Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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