he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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