The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
