Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me