I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills