Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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  (202): You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell... http://tfl.nu/oe10
  Replies (8) Good night (763) Bad night (2008)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
  Replies (33) Good night (5046) Bad night (1379)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

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  (210): he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me http://tfl.nu/5qy1
  Replies (25) Good night (1191) Bad night (8509)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.

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  (610): Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card. http://tfl.nu/uepf
  Replies (12) Good night (4591) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.

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  (513): Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight. http://tfl.nu/vjdx
  Replies (7) Good night (1950) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.

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  (402): 2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America. http://tfl.nu/5vl1
  Replies (4) Good night (1730) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.

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  (701): Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring. http://tfl.nu/lp7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2291) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.

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  (978): I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest. (1-978): I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text. http://tfl.nu/56wf
  Replies (4) Good night (1830) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.

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  (614): Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles. http://tfl.nu/gha2
  Replies (10) Good night (2722) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on

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  (585): My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on http://tfl.nu/yfb6
  Replies (5) Good night (1375) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.

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  (937): They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list. http://tfl.nu/o7iw
  Replies (6) Good night (1789) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.

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  (860): My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church. (1-860): I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life. http://tfl.nu/n824
  Replies (4) Good night (2241) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.

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  (206): Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here. http://tfl.nu/36ym
  Replies (0) Good night (600) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once

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  (617): she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once http://tfl.nu/vv4r
  Replies (5) Good night (1132) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.

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  (417): You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc. http://tfl.nu/r22c
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (254)

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