Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
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I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!