Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
