I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize