this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
