So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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