Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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