I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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