1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
