I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
