i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
