dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
