How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This house was built for laser tag.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
