you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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