is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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