I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
