butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
someone threw a dead crab at me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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