She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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