you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
