Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
