If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
