I murdered the dance floor call the cops
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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