My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize