My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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