help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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