arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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