Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
