Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
