my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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