we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
