I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
