she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
