Will you blow on my dice?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
