Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
