I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
PANTIES FOUND
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