drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
