If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
whose parrot is this?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
