Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize