hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
