is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the day after is always just damage control
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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