I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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