oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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