she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The feeling are messing with the penis
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
