matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We are two peas in an std pod
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
