Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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