I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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