we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
