the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think i have two assholes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He better not be in your backpack
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
