She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize