My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?