i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.