two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.