The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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