Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you