remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!