Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot