So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
