failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
