can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
