i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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