He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize