I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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