i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
smell my finger.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize